Turning Big Conflicts into Small Conflicts

Most of us do not enjoy relational conflict, mostly because in some way it creates discomfort or awkward tension. And although we often choose to avoid it, we ultimately cannot avoid the consequences of that avoidance. In many cases, we let small problems or tensions go unaddressed, and later they add up to cause a much larger, more uncomfortable conflict. When we avoid smaller issues too long, they soon become a larger issue.

Relationally intelligent people learn to address small conflicts head-on, in constructive ways, and as a result they don't have to avoid as man of the larger conflicts and all the awkwardness and discomfort that come with it.

When people don't address conflict head-on when it is small enough to solve in simpler ways, then along the way, they leek. In other words, they might make passive aggressive statements that could seem like joking around but are revealing of unaddressed conflict. They may use nonverbal yet awkward signals behind someone else's back or perhaps even to their face. They may spew other emotions like anger at the person they have unaddressed conflict with, and that anger may seem like it's about something else involving work or a task, but in truth it's a very personal matter.

There are many more examples, but I wonder how our relational worlds would change if we got better at addressing the "smaller conflicts" head-on in more frequent fashion, so we could avoid more of the "bigger conflicts" that we all run from at times.